Depression in Children: Recognizing the Signs
Know what to watch for and get help.
As adults, we know and understand that life gets harder as we get older. We like to think that childhood should be a time of fun and freedom, not stress and overwhelming emotions. Despite this common belief, childhood can be more stressful than we can possibly understand, especially in the digital age. I am often asked by others what I could possibly help young children with. These types of questions are driven by the underlying assumption that children do not have much of anything to worry about. Childhood is great after all, isn’t it? This is not so much the case if you have a parent with an undiagnosed or untreated mental health illness. Neither is this the case if your parents are getting a divorce or you are having difficulty connecting with your peers. Childhood is filled with anxiety-producing and saddening situations. For those youngsters dealing with such circumstances, or for those trying to manage a chemical imbalance in their brains, depression is in the realm of possibilities as an outcome. Read below to learn about the warning signs and what to do if you feel your child is dealing with pediatric depression.
So, what does depression look like in children anyway? Depression in children does not look like the images we conjure up for this same mental health illness in adults. As opposed to appearing sad, children may appear irritable. Many children will isolate themselves from their peers, have difficulty concentrating, have interrupted sleep cycles, or experience somatic symptoms, such as persistent stomachaches or headaches. Because children tend to go through behavioral phases, these symptoms can easily go unnoticed and unaddressed. If your think something is off with your child, and you notice one or more of these symptoms for a prolonged period of time, you may want to connect with a mental health professional to gain insight into your child’s emotional experience.
Who can I contact for help? Your child’s school should have a school counselor, social worker or psychologist who can hear you out, provide support and direct you to outside resources. If you are looking for an outside provider, you can contact your insurance for local area therapists or call 211 to learn more about mental health supports in your region of the state. Lack of knowledge of mental health resources can thwart active curiosity about this topic. Do not be discouraged by the novelty of your quest. If your child had diabetes, how aggressively would you search for supports? The answer to this question is typically, “I would do whatever it takes.” Let this answer guide your search for mental health providers, and do not be discouraged if it is harder than you thought.
What if I am worried that my child or teen is at risk of hurting him or herself? If you have reason to believe that your child has had thoughts about hurting him or herself, or has actually done so, you should seek immediate help. Parents can call Emergency Mobile Psychiatric Services (EMPS) by dialing 211 from their phones to have a crisis clinician come to their homes to provide an on-the-spot risk assessment. Many parents feel frightened by this idea and worry that these professionals will take their child to the hospital. EMPS would only recommend admission to the hospital if it was necessary, and although this idea is scary for most, it is often the best way to ensure your child’s safety, should your child or teen be at risk for harming him/herself. I would rather a family feel uncomfortable AND get the help their child needs, as opposed to feeling regretful that they did not do everything they could to ensure their loved one’s safety. Another option is to bring your child to the hospital yourself, should you feel that you cannot keep him/her safe until EMPS arrives, which typically takes 40-45 minutes.
What can I do to help at home? The most important thing you can do is emotionally connect with your child and listen without judgement. It is hard for children and teenagers to share, especially about a topic that has not previously been discussed. Bring your objective observations to your child’s attention (“I have noticed that you have been sad lately,” or “I know you have been having a hard time sleeping lately and your grades have been going down.”). Follow this up with a gentle inquiry (“What types of feelings have you been dealing with?”). Use this conversation to gather information and help your youngster feel safe and supported. If necessary, approach the idea of outside support as a team, not as part of an executive and sole decision. Tell your child that you think it is important for him/her to talk with someone, and ask about the type of profession that would best help establish comfort. For example, some children would prefer a male therapist than a female, while others feel more comfortable with someone younger rather than older. Take these requests into consideration and make your child feel as much a part of the decision-making process as is developmentally appropriate.
Be aware of the words you say aloud, in front of your child. If you tend to be the type of person who sees things in a negative light, be sure to keep these thoughts to yourself in front of your youngster. As we well know, children are cognitive sponges when it comes to learning, and this is true of social and emotional learning as well. When dealing with a hardship, verbalize the positives and embody a solution-focused approach to help your child learn empowered ways to cope with undesirable circumstances. Never say words to your child such as, “I just want to die!” or “I could kill you!” as children do not often understand the gray and sarcastic areas that these comments are contextually intended for. Instead, verbalize your own emotions to help increase your youngsters emotional vocabulary and set a good example.
Practice good self-care. It can be taxing to deal with a child who is experiencing depression. You may need some extra self-care yourself to ensure that you are able to present a coherent, supportive and strong presence for your little one. Self-care is not selfish, it is smart.
Unless they are in the field, most adults do not know what mental health disorders look like in children. Brush up on the facts so that you can recognize emotional struggles in your young one that need professional attention. Don’t be afraid to have a conversation with your children about what mental health is, in an effort to provide them with a platform to understand and speak about emotional challenges they might be facing. Know that even if your child is not experiencing depression, he/she may know a friend who is. By giving youngsters a context to understand mental health, you may not just be helping them - you may also be helping a peer who does not have parents with this same critical insight.