Executive Functioning Skills: What They Are and Why We Should Help Our Young Ones Develop Them
Executive functioning describes a set of cognitive skills humans need to plan, monitor and execute goals. These goals that utilize executive function skills oscillate between mental and behavioral realms, and span both short- and long-term territories. Examples include putting the groceries away, cooking dinner and packing the car for a vacation get-away. Executive functioning skills are a critical part of our basic human functionality.
There are eight executive functioning skills. They are: (1) self-control, (2) emotional control, (3) task initiation, (4) working memory, (5) self-monitoring, (6) flexibility, (7) organization and (8) planning/time management. We all have the capacity to develop these skills, but they are not intrinsic givens in the absence of extrinsic learning.
Executive functioning skills are located in the front of our brains, known as the prefrontal cortex, also referred to as the “thinking brain.” This is also the part of the brain that is not fully developed until the age of 25. Inherently, children and teens have weaker executive functioning skills than their adult counterparts simply because the part of the brain they need to exercise these skills is under construction until they are well into their twenties.
Furthermore, in order for our kids and teens to fully utilize the front of their brains, where the executive functioning action resides, there cannot be a contending stimuli-triggering usage of the back of the brain, known as the limbic region. The limbic region will always take precedence over the prefrontal cortex in children and adolescents because it is stronger and more developed than the front of the brain–which arrives later in evolution. Kids are at a dual disadvantage in the executive function realm–or so it seems.
Often, adults operate under the assumption that children and teens automatically know how to utilize their executive functioning skills. This is a fallacy of child development. Just because your child or teen is doing well in school does not mean they bypass biological or neurochemical shortcomings. Children have to be taught how to use these skills, and this learning truly begins at home. If you are having challenges getting your young one to clean their room, load the dishwasher or even take a shower, a lack of executive functioning skills may be the culprit.
Here are some ways you can foster healthy executive functioning skills for your young ones at home:.
Break tasks down into digestible steps. Most of us expect that our children and teens will know how to complete daily tasks that are part of everyday functioning. Parents are perplexed when kids put up a fight when asked to accomplish rudimentary tasks, such as taking a shower, cleaning their room or clearing the dinner table. To us, these are no-brainers. For kids, these tasks can serve as a mountain they’re unsure how to climb, even though they did so the day before. Breaking tasks down into small steps can be incredibly helpful for children and teens. “First gather all of the plates. Next, clear the food on them. After that, walk them over to the sink.” Writing or talking these steps out can be the difference between a productive evening and a dead-end argument.
Use visuals. Kids tend to do better when they can see what is expected of them. Go to the Dollar Store and buy a portable whiteboard that you can use in different areas of your home. Utilize this tool when making requests of your young ones. You can write down daily chores on it, record the requisite steps in accomplishing a single task or share words of encouragement and love that can serve as motivation and display of positive regard. Most children and teens are visual learners. Differentiated learning is not just for the classroom alone.
Ask “how” questions. “How” is the integral question that can satiate our executive functioning needs. Instead of reviewing the “how” steps of an undesirable task, ask your young one to break down the steps they had to follow to accomplish a task that felt motivating to them. “How did you score that goal?” “How did you French-braid your hair? “How did you draw that cartoon” Getting kids to see the smaller picture on a regular basis helps them to strengthen their executive functioning skills–and asking them to teach you how to do something– make major deposits in their bank of self-confidence.
Do tasks with your kids. Parents have the daunting responsibility of helping their kids without enabling them. It’s a fine line between these two worlds, and most of us favor one side over the other. On one end of this spectrum, we do things for our kids and on the other end, we expect that they know how to do them themselves. If your child or teen is struggling with task completion, take a step into their world and do the activity with them. By performing a challenging task along with your youngster you are not enabling them, you are teaching them. Teamwork makes the dream work, and there is no better place to make this reality come to life than at home.
Set it and forget it. August is fast approaching, and that means summer homework needs to go from a thought to a practice. If your young one is putting up a fight, try the set-it-and-forget-it technique. Ask your child or teen to simply set the stage for the task at hand. Have them get their desk ready, open up the book and put their desk light in the on position. After this, allow them to take a break and come back to the assignment at a later time of their choosing. Being able to begin a daunting task seamlessly versus setting up THEN doing the task can make a world of difference for a child experiencing anxiety.
Pomodoro your way to completion. A large part of task overwhelment is uncertainty: the epicenter of anxiety. Kids will avoid a task out of fear that it will take a much longer period of time than they can adequately handle. Breaking a task down into time intervals can be incredibly effective in assisting with initiation. In the Pomodoro Technique, a “pomodoro” is an interval of time. “Pomodoro” is the Italian word for tomato, and its namesake technique refers to the “tomato timer” that many of us grew up with in our kitchens. Ask your young one how much time they think they can dedicate to a task that is causing them stress, identifying a set interval of time, or a pomodoro. Set a timer with the intention that they will give it their all for this period of time. Once the timer goes off, they can either abort the mission, continue working or take a break and come back to the task at a later time. If your young one struggles with task initiation–an executive functioning skill–the Pomodoro Technique may be a life saver.
Practice flexible thinking during times of emotional regulation. When children or teens are feeling stressed about a task or activity, this circumstance will inherently impact their ability to see the situation flexibly. The time to practice flexible thinking is not in the midst of a crisis when the limbic system is in control. Rather, these skills are best honed when our children’s brains are integrated and they have access to both their emotional AND thinking brains. Demonstrate flexible thinking on a daily basis by looking at a situation differently, brainstorming possible solutions and exhibiting flexibility in the midst of strong feelings you might be experiencing yourself. Point out times you notice your youngster being flexible and encourage them to practice flexibility when strong emotions are a non-issue. Unexpected events happen everyday, so there is no shortage of opportunities to practice flexible thinking.
Keep your emotions in check. It is important that the adults keep their emotions under wraps when trying to encourage their children to use executive functioning skills. Our nervous systems are connected to one another’s, whether we like it or not. If your nervous system is dysregulated during a time you expect your young one’s to be regulated, you will be dealing with two dysregulated nervous systems as opposed to one–meaning there will be two people in the room with limited executive functioning skills and only one with a fully developed brain. Take a deep breath, give yourself space or utilize a reflective pause before approaching your young one.
There’s a lot that the front of our brains do, which means that there’s a lot of teaching parents have to do throughout our children’s lives. When we better understand how executive functioning skills work, we can better grasp our children’s deficits as opposed to labeling them as “lazy” or “unmotivated.” Looks can be deceiving, and it is important that we not judge the book by its cover when it comes to executive functioning challenges, which as you will discover have many hidden chapters.
