Managing Difficult Behaviors
The Difference Between Temper Tantrums and Sensory Meltdowns
Many people use the words “tantrum” and “meltdown” interchangeably without realizing that they are different in nature. While tantrums and meltdowns may look the same to an outside observer, they are triggered by different precursors. Knowing what constitutes and triggers tantrums and sensory meltdowns can help you learn effective ways to respond to your child during these emotional episodes.
A tantrum is an outburst that happens when a child is trying to get something he/she wants or needs. Some children with low frustration tolerance thresholds are more prone to tantrums, as these youngsters have greater difficulty coping with strong, uncomfortable feelings. During tantrums, children express their feelings in inappropriate ways, such as yelling, crying or lashing out. Behaviors displayed during tantrums are usually purposeful (i.e. for attention or to get one’s way) and children in the midst of a tantrum typically have some control over their actions.
A sensory meltdown is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed. Sensory meltdowns happen when there is too much sensory information for a child to adequately process. Examples of triggers for sensory meltdowns might be too much noise (an amusement park, a loud concert, etc.), too many things to think about (a long-term school project for which a child cannot decide on a topic, a menu with too many items from which to choose, etc.) or too many emotions happening at the same time. During meltdowns, sensory information floods a child’s brain, creating a “flight or freeze” response that prompts irrational choices such as yelling or hitting.
Because tantrums and sensory meltdowns are dissimilar, they must be treated differently by the intervening adult in order to remedy the situation. Below are some ideas for adults and parents in helping children manage sensory meltdowns:
Help your child find a safe, quiet place to de-escalate. If your child is having a sensory meltdown in the kitchen where there are multiple sensory stimuli coming his/her way, bring your youngster to a room where the level of sensory stimulation is minimal and predictable. This will allow your child the opportunity to process the events around them in a safe, stable and non-threatening environment.
Less language is more. A child who is feeling emotionally overwhelmed cannot fully understand and interpret words others are using. Acknowledge what you see: “I can see you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, etc.” and sit with your child in a quiet, supportive manner, letting him/her know you are present through actions as opposed to words.
Offer alternative sensory input, in a deliberate and slow fashion. Give your child a stress ball to squeeze with his/her hands. Encourage your child to smell a scent that might be soothing, such as peppermint or lavender. Position your child in front of a lava lamp as a visual deterrent. By focusing on one sense at a time and introducing examples of soothing sensory stimuli, your youngster should be able to self-calm and de-escalate within a reasonable timeframe.
Stay calm. The more visibly frustrated you are, the more upset your youngster will feel. Find a way to maintain a calm presence as your child navigates his/her bigger feelings. Your child will follow your emotional lead: if you are calm, he/she will follow suit.
Put together a coping kit. In advance of meltdowns, ask your child what would be helpful for him/her, should overwhelming feelings surface. Gather items that promote healthy coping, such as stress balls, paper for coloring or Legos for building. Place these items in an identified area your child can access during times of distress. Having a coping bucket ready for meltdown moments is key, as this act eliminates the need to function in an executive capacity and locate coping tools in the midst of sorting through distressing emotions.
Managing sensory meltdowns is hard work. Whenever I feel frustrated with a behavior a child is exhibiting, I imagine how frustrated this child must feel with him/herself. No child wants to act out or misbehave. If you’re frustrated, there’s a very good chance your child is just as frustrated, if not more. Keep this thought in mind, and try your best to understand the perspective from which your youngster is operating.